before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm having to shit out rocks
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