my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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