i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
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