Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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