If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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