Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
