after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
