too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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