Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
