We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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