Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
