Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
