At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
