Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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