tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
