oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
