why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
