i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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