I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
