I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So much Jack, so little girl.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
