It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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