I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
