Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
