I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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