the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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