I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Alive.
So much puke
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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