Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
