I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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