This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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