walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
