WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
