covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
