I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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