I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize