Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
