Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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