dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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