don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
