By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
