and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
