did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
