i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
