And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
