So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
