you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
