Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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