All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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