Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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