And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
