Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
