i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
