I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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