i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
