No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize