Do you still have your period?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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