I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
