I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
