the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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