I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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