oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
