yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
