I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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