My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize