Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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