Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
