Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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