May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
