I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
